Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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