I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
only if we run a train.
done.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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