I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
