dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
