i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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