My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize