shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
