everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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