Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
