There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
