Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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