My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
