mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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