She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
