dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
