hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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