So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
