I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
