I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
