i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
