I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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