what day is it and did you see me today?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
