"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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