omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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