Porn is love you can see.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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