There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
