Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
