If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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