My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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