I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
