naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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