Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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