There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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