How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
