He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
