It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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