I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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