the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
