i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
