I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
