if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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