Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
