she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
