dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
