I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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