yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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