I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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