I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
