He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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