i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
soo... how was my night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
