Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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