your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
