I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
