Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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