She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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