as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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