I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
