I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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