my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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