you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize