yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
