i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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