Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
