I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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