Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
