Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
