High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
