you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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