I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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