my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
