don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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