You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
