my phone needs a breathalizer
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
