See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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