By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize