GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
