i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we're making bets on your personal life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
