I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
