ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
