i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
