sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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