it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
