new low.... made out with someone while peeing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize