she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
