Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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