a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
