im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize