who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
