I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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