yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
