my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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