I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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